I'm going to be Italian

I haven’t written for quite a long time
Probably because I was homeless… It’s quite hard to get internet access with no home :P
I’ll try to brief my life in the last week and a half
Well…
The other day Marc and I had a meeting with mysterious Marylin (see my first post)
She didn’t look at all what I thought she would
She had two people with her
We showed her our designs and… she liked it!
She said they’re good and that she wanted to buy them
Well, we signed a contract on the spot (to be honest I was sure these things take longer) and the designs were hers, I was so happy, we were both so happy
It’s every fashion graduator wet dream to have their designs out there eve before actual graduation and with such a big name like the Lin Group (oh, apparently that’s Marylin’s company… cool)
When the meeting was finished I felt surprisingly empty. We were working on these designs for over 6 months and now it’s all over and they’re not even ours. Very strange!
Just a couple of days after that some lady came to college looking for us and told us that the Lin Group has sweat shops in the far east and showed us some pictures of little children working there. She asked us to break the contract with Marylin. To begin with I thought “no chance, this is our big break through” but after the photos and after I thought about it a bit more I had to agree
Marc didn’t want to do it so we decided to split
It was all a very scary yet freeing decision

Here is the exciting bit:
A few days later, still working put where I should get my designs to I get a phone call from my two aunties in Italy (well, only one of them is my real aunty but Bernie is her partner for ages so she is my auntie as well) saying they really want to see me and they want to buy me flight tickets to come to Italy (they’ve got a stunning villa, just on the beach)
Of course I embraced the offer and got my self a British Airways ticket (they pay back anyway) before I managed to get some sun they told me they would like to GIVE ME the villa and retire to the Isle of Wight
GIVE ME the fucking villa!!!
But they also wanted to know that me and Anthony are together so instead of telling them that actually we broke up I told them he’s proposed me
I didn’t know they would like to come to London and see him
Oh my god
I left him a msg explaining the situation but when I arrived he was still in bed (with his new girl) and the house was a mess
I didn’t know if he will co-operate
But he kinda did, even his girl did
I can’t even tell you what went on there
But the villa is mine
Hooray!
I’m not homeless any more
To Italy - land of Fashion!

(Sorry, that was long, it has been a long time)
Ciao

streets joy

The last couple of days were just mad
Yesterday I was at Angie’s but couldn’t stay there for the night cause her flatmate came back (he’s an asshole and doesn’t allow her to invite people to stay overnight, she can’t really leave the place because it’s really cheap, but anyway, it’s a different story)
So I left her flat around 8pm and spend some time in a stupid pub drinking one pint for 2 hours in order to save the money I’ve got now (some money that Anthony gave me when I left).
At 11pm I had to fuck off cause they’ve closed the pub and went to the train station till they closed it too and I became very tired
Found a nice quite street next to the bridge and tried to get some sleep.
I have no idea how long I slept.
It was freezing and I dreamt that I’m chasing Anthony and Marc till they jump of strange looking cliff and die; they looked like dolls down there on the ground. It was a very disturbing sight.
Suddenly I was woken up by someone shaking me. It was Marc- I was so happy to see he was alive. We went to his flat and I slept some more till I had to go to college (it is crazy that all of that is happening now when I’m supposed to concentrate in my studies and project the most)
After college I met with Marc, he told me he managed to speak to Anthony and they are meeting in the park, he insisted I will come
I’m really glad I did, as soon as I met Anthony I felt how much I loved him but also how much I don’t want to be with him anymore. We hardly talked but for me everything became very clear, what I feel, what I want.
I feel really bad seeing Anthony like he is now, suffering like that. It’s really hard but probably inevitable.
That’s life
I told him I was sorry but I’m not coming back.
I felt Marc wanted this meeting because he wanted Anthony’s permission for me staying with him, maybe it’s just me. anyway I’m not staying there. I can’t stay there anymore. I prefer to sleep in the streets
(Now that I know how much fun it is)

Scared but happy

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Wednesday evening, after everything went amazingly well (see my last post) I had a really quite evening with Anthony. Then Marc called me and I went over to his place to work on the designs (and prepare to the meeting with the mysterious Marilyn).
Well, we worked till we ran out of fabric, Marc went to get some wine and beer and then one thing led to another and we found ourselves fucking like two stupid people who don’t like their lives or who they are.
You know, if you asked me a week ago I could have sworn that I love Anthony, that I love him a lot.
I’m not sure what I’m feeling now, I think it’s called a relief, excitement, adventurous, I think it’s called alive.
I think I haven’t felt like that for the last couple of years or so.
I thought I was alive, I thought I loved my life, my boyfriend, my house.
I’m now understanding that I was stuck in the museum of good life “that’s how it should look like. Don’t touch! Don’t move!”
Even the fucking T-shirts were ironed and folded nicely into their selves.
I have no idea what I’m going to do now, where I’m gonna go
Last evening I told Anthony. I didn’t plan to but I just couldn’t act as if everything was normal. I couldn’t act as if I liked to be with him anymore.
I just told him everything that has happened (he even wanted to know the most technical details of what we did)
He told me I couldn’t stay there for the night.
I was very surprised to feel happy about it.
I think that was the moment when I actually understood it all
And when he asked me why I did that it just came out of my mouth:
“I wasn’t happy". I’m not happy with him anymore.

I spent the entire night walking in the streets (after I’ve tried Marc but the little shit was too scared to let me sleep at his place) I’m now at Angie’s but will not be able to spend more then one night here. At least I could take a shower :)

I’m homeless but for the first time in a very long fucking time I’m living my life.
I think it’s quite optimistic

the voice

Yesterday the weirdest thing of all had happened
I will introduce myself first
My name is Tamara (or Tami or Tam or Tamtam, it depends how close to me you are)
I study fashion design in Central saint Martin’s and I want to start my own business with my friend Marc.
Ok, so… the weirdest thing happened:

Yesterday I was meeting with Marc to discuss our plans since all of this business thing is really in the beginning (or as you can say in Hebrew “behitulav” which means “in its diapers”) (oh, yes, I can speak Hebrew, but that’s a different story)
Anyway, 2 minutes after we meet and start talking a voice from the air is talking to us saying:”Hello, you there!”
Ok, I’m not joking, this has happened !
The voice said “look at the camera” and only then we realised there was a video camera in the room and it was shooting US! - that was fucking scary
The voice said he’s name was John and that he knew Anthony (my handsome boyfriend) from way back and …. And … and …..
That he wanted to help us out and give us 10,000 fucking GBP to start our business !!!
Well, it was all very mysterious and I’m not sure if we actually are going to get this money
He also said that we will meet a friend of him, lady called Maryline

Life is weird!!!

I’ll write more as soon as something happens
How exciting
!!!